i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
