I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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