Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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