She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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