I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Randomize
