he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
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