Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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