I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
