1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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