i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I am midnight drunk by noon
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize