hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
