I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
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