he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
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