You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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