Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
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I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
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