How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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