I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
