I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
