Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
