when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
