all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
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