And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Randomize