haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
