i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
