Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Randomize
