I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize