Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
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