Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
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