There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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