she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Randomize
