I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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