So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize