You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
