Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Randomize
