did you get engaged???
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
