I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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