Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
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She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
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