I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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