Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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