Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Randomize
