Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
