I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
