I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
