I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Small penises have feelings too.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
please come you make the beer taste better
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
