FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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