Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
i wish my penis had a tongue
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Randomize
