so that wasnt chicken after all
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Randomize
