its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
