i jhust puked up my retainher.
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize