i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
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