If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Randomize
