Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Randomize
