i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
