My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
