my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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