So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Randomize
