I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
So squirting runs in the family.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
