Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
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