Your face is a jimmy john
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
