I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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