some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
