My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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