I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
