No, drunk sperm still make babies.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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