the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
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