The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
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