I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
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