I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
